I know it’s been awhile.
But you know how you get busy and things like cleaning out the garage, scrubbing the tile with a tooth-brush and shredding all your old documents from 20 years ago sort of get put on the back burner? Well, life has intruded and my poor little blog has been piling up with dust like junk in the garage, soap scum in the cracks and old bank statements.
Like all of those things (and many more we choose to ignore) you know they’re there, but they just don’t have their place at the top of the priority list.
Plus there is the fact that I’ve just had not words.
Seriously, I never really understood writers block until these past couple of months. The words were a jumbled mess inside my head. No cohesion, no sense and no WAY they were going to come out even with a crowbar.
I would put fingers to keyboard and the flow that came out was even confusing to me. I’d go back through to read and it was like someone else had written the mess. (Is it possible for your brain to turn into strawberry Jello?) Even short emails were incoherent and repetitive.
Not only has my writing been blocked, so has my verbal communication. It’s almost like I’ve been inside a bubble screaming my head off but everyone else just hears wah wah wah wah wahwahwahwah! Now I know how the adults felt in all those Charlie Brown cartoons.
It’s very frustrating when you know what you’re saying but everyone else looks at you with their heads cocked to the side like my dog when she’s trying to understand me. Or better yet, like I’ve grown an additional head and we’re both vying for attention.
Then there was my listening ability. People would talk and by the time they got to the end of their sentence, I would have already forgotten the first part of it. Seriously scary stuff here! And then the aforementioned looks and head cocks would be coming from me!
I need to have my own personal Pentecost.
You see I have a speaking engagement at a Christian women’s event this weekend. Thankfully what I’m saying has been written down and thoroughly vetted…by a good friend who has had experience in these sorts of things.
Plus I know these are God’s words…all I have to do is read them out loud and He will do the rest. I don’t have to worry because HE has this.
I am praying that He uses me in a mighty way. That He totally takes me out of the equation so that what these women see and hear will be Him…and not me. Because I’m afraid if it’s just me, the wah wah wah will continue.
My friend says it is good…and I am fully relying on her judgment.
Is that a mighty wind stirring and Holy Spirit flames licking? I’m going on faith that it is!